Two sides to every story?

[kayre]

First of all, many thanks to those of you who reached out last night... it helped.

Because silence about things like this is toxic for me, I am choosing to post a bit about what happened-- not to hit back, but because I have a right to my side (and I think you may agree if you read on).

I posted a comment on a journal on another site; I've been reading that person and commenting occasionally for years. I expressed concern about something she shared. She found my comment "insulting", snapped at me and then deleted both comments. I replied "I apologize. (You can delete this one too, if you want, or I will in a bit.)" And indeed, I deleted that within a couple of minutes.

While I am shocked at how strongly she responded, she has a right to her feelings. If things had stopped there, I'd have dealt with it, and probably cautiously maintained contact.

But she chose to post her side of the story. She did not name me. She also didn't post my actual words, merely saying that both of my posts were "insulting" (and making an untrue claim about one of them). So today, when I go to that site, I'm greeted by that post, and all her friends calling me a troll and a jerk and an asshat, based on her telling of the story. (If she sees this, I invite her to post all six sentences we actually exchanged, and even the two private messages I've sent since, if she wishes. And if you know who it is and think it's appropriate to share this with her, go ahead.).

I'm not asking anyone to condemn her, and in fact I hope you won't. Fact is, this hurts mostly because I liked and admired her a lot, and will very much miss her. But please, remember that there really ARE two (or more) sides to nearly every story. (Those people could have offered her support without calling me names based on her one-sided story.)

Thankfully no mutual friends are among those comments... so far.

Comments

[amaebi]

I'm so sorry you encountered this unkindness (if not injustice), and hope you'll soon feel better. :/

[sine_nomine]

I am so sorry you were hurt so badly.

I am very glad you posted this, both because you were able to diminish the toxicity that can very much come from being silent and because curiousity isn't just for cats.

Here being supportive in whatever ways you might find helpful!

[kayre]

One of the things keeping me quiet was a feeling that vaguebooking is not a good thing. In some ways her choice to make that public post released me from having to keep quiet.

[gingicat]

The person who posted it does not appear to be someone we have in common.

[kayre]

I showed it to her myself.

[hitchhiker]

ugh, that's a really crappy thing to have happen :(

[silkensteel]

Anyone who has known you for any - ANY length of time would know this kind of thing is completely outside your character. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. I'd give you a kitten to pet if it would help.

[kizzy]

I saw your post at the other place and thought hm, I thought she'd moved to DW permanently, so...??? But no, it seems that we don't have the person in common. Very little drama now in my world over there, thank goodness.

[cellio]

Oh, I am so sorry! It *sucks* when others use their platforms to malign and misrepresent and all you can do is stand by, because they control what gets said and you don't.

But if this person can't understand that sometimes people misunderstand each other, can't accept an apology, and then goes off on you when you clearly are *not* a troll... that sounds like such an over-reaction that one has to wonder what is *really* going on in this person's head. Maybe it's stress, maybe it's a hot button, maybe it's an agenda, but you can't do anything about that. It's on her.

I'm so sorry you've been targeted with such spewing. :-(