kayre | On my church's moves regarding homosexuality

ladysisyphus posted her thoughts-- the whole essay is well worth reading.

This year's GC [General Conference] praised African-Americans who stayed in the church for being the presence and constant reminder that finally forced the church to do something about its racist policies. In twenty years, it may well be praising its LBGT members for hanging on past all persecution. If I know this to be a real possibility, do I have an obligation to stay?

What

ladysisyphus said moves me, and makes me wonder if even now I could stay in the church, and keep working for change. The fact that the worst of this year's changes passed by only 10 votes out of 1000 makes clear that there is still hope, despite what's happening this year. Can I justify staying in the church and continuing to work for change? Or is that just my selfishness speaking? I really don't want to leave.. church, both the ritual and the community, is such an enormous part of my life.

The example of the African Americans who stayed in the church for generations, more than 100 years of institutional discrimination, moves me especially deeply because this was a major area of study for me as I worked on my Master's. I am not in their situation, nor am I risking as much as

ladysisyphus. I'm not gay, much less practicing; I'm not seeking ordination. My church very much wants me, and most will continue to do so even if I become a more vocal advocate for gay rights than I have been so far. But I remember that, besides the courage of the black people who stayed in my church, there were white people who pushed for change-- pushed from within.

I can leave, and refuse to support what my church has done. Or I can stay-- and still refuse to support what they've done in this one area. There's no question of staying and keeping quiet; I wouldn't be able to look myself in the face.

I've long told my gay friends that if my church took a backwards step regarding homosexuality, I would leave. That has certainly happened. Will I be betraying those friends if I stay?

I really don't know. I'm going to take some time over this decision-- but it will be a decision, I won't just let things drift. I promise that much.